Today's lesson was the conclusion of the Parenting by Design series. In today's lesson, our presenter calls empathy the glue that holds the parenting process together. Without empathy, the principles of Parenting by Design lose their effectiveness. God's unconditional empathy for His children is summed up best in Romans 5:8: "But God demonstrates His own love for us, in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." Despite our rebellion, Jesus laid down His life to secure our relationship with God. He is the perfect example for our relationship with our own children. The perfect parent says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you." (Hebrews 13:5)
We have learned to give our kids choices and to administer consequences when they violate a boundary. It is equally important that our entire interaction with our kids reflect the same empathy that God demonstrated in His Word. When you are able to display that kind of unconditional love by offering choices and delivering consequences with empathy, your child will know that no bad choice can separate him from your love. It makes a consequence seem bearable. With empathy, you can stay connected with your child while he is enduring a consequence and open the door to exploring motives behind his choices. The trust that empathy builds gives you that opportunity.
What does it look like when we display a lack of empathy toward our children? Lack of empathy is often expressed in sarcasm, judgment, condemnation, condescension, belittling, or resentment. It can show up in denying or dismissing a child's emotional response to a tough situation. Even when we are trying our best to help, we can communicate a lack of empathy by rushing to solve the problem.
Delivering consequences with empathy rather than anger or disrespect communicates two things--unconditional love and confidence that the child is capable of solving the problem for himself. Empathy conquers a fear of consequences.
Empathy is not the same thing as praise. Praise focuses on a result. Empathy focuses on a process. Separate the process from the result. That way, children do not learn that they must perform at a certain level for their parents to approve of them.
Finally, as parents, we need to be prepared to admit our failures and to ask our children to forgive us when we make bad choices related to parenting. God is our perfect model. The closer we are able to emulate him in our efforts to raise our own children, the more likely we will be to be able to discipline, correct, land reinforce our children's behavior with empathy.
During our discussion this morning, Bo Miles shared a list of virtues to pray for our children. The entire list can be accessed at the following website:
In addition, we discussed hosting the putt putt station at the fall festival again this year. After class, a few of us discussed the possibility of one last swimming party at the end of summer. We will study this possibility and look for availability and dates. If anyone has any other ideas for a class get-together, let us know.
NEXT WEEK: We begin "Invincible Love, Invisible War". See you then. Have a great week.
Jimmy and Cindy
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