As we continued our 8-week video series from "Parenting by Design" by Chris and Michelle Groff and Lee Long and Mark Foster, we looked at Week 2 of the study this week. Week 2 identifies the "three E's of parenting: age-appropriate (and maturity-appropriate) experiences, our parental example, and lovingly leading our children on an exploration of the motivations driving their behavior.
I saw evidence in today's lesson that the authors of this program have not only consulted the ultimate guide to parental design, God's Holy Word, but they have also referenced some of the foundational paradigms of education as well. For example, in today's discussion, Chris Groff talked about early brain research in which the brain was dissected, making it difficult, if not impossible for research to be conducted on a living subject. However, in the past two decades, improved imaging capability has made it possible for researchers to study the brain while it is in action in a living subject. This commentary on the advances in brain research likely came from the early chapters of a book by Eric Jensen, Teaching With the Brain in Mind. During his discussion on leading explorative activities with our children, he mentioned the importance of listening to your child and repeating without emotion the child's comments. This practice is a mainstay of a discipline management strategy known as "Reality Therapy" espoused by Dr. William Glasser.
A worthy goal for our parenting is to have our kids move from dependence on us as parents to reliance on God. Our job as parents is to help kids move in that direction. Since it is "camp" time in many of our households, we took an informal survey this morning to determine the differences in parental control over our children's preparation for camp. Some parents reported that their kids were ready to pack their own bags and they allowed them to do so. Others were not comfortable with allowing their kids to pack their own bags. This is just one example of our willingness to allow our kids opportunities to experience independence. Remember, the experiences should be age-appropriate as well as maturity-appropriate. Otherwise, the learning opportunity will be wasted. For some kids, allowing them to pack their own bags for a week at camp would be a disaster. For others, it is a learrning opportunity. As parents, we are charged with the responsibility to determining the right time and the right experiences for our children. Decision-making and problem-solving are skills that are learned through practice. Like any skill, our kids need opportunities to master them.
NEWS FLASH: As I am writing this blog on Sunday afternoon, I have received a phone call from my youngest daughter informing me that she is stranded on Highway 21 on this side of Caldwell with a flat tire as she heads home. One side of me suggests that she is only 30 minutes away and that I should go handle this situation for her. However, the other side says to let her deal with this situation....it will be a great learning experience. She has AAA coverage and it is just a matter of making the call, showing her card (assuming she can find her card), and giving the technician time to find her location and mount the spare tire (also assuming that the spare is not flat). One side of me says, "Run to her aid." The other side says, "Let her handle this situation. Afterall, she is 25 years old." I share this with you as an example that these feelings of the need to control do not necessarily disappear even after your children "grow up." Of course, it IS HOT out there today...maybe I will let her take care of this--what a great learning experience.
Chris Groff asked us to view our children as "little scientists" running around conducting experiements as they grow. Certainly, there will be some mistakes. Some of these mistakes may even be painful. Yet, we must uderstand and accept that mistakes are part of the learning process. These mistakes can also be the basis for new growth and maturity. I appreciated the example shared by Kathleen and Bill Gutierrez this morning as they shared a story about their son and his involvement in scouting. It seems that Bill knew that his son would need certain materials (notebook, pen, etc.) in the meetings and that he also knew the start time of the meetings. However, he allowed his son to attend the meetings without the appropriate materials and even allowed him to go to meetings thirty minutes late in order to learn the consequences of failing to meet these expectations and to grow in his capacity to take care of himself and to act responsibly. Kathleen found out about the "experiment" and was not pleased that they were allowing their son to fail in these areas. However, as a result of his experience, their son has become responsible, bringing his own materials to meetings and scheduling the meetings in a timely manner. A hard lesson to learn? Possibly, but it was learned under the watchful parameters of a Mom and Dad who desperately wanted their son to learn responsible behavior. Years from now, they will be glad they allowed this to happen in order to teach a valuable lesson to their son.
James 1: 2-4 says: "Consider it all joy, my brethern, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing. But if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God, who gives to all generously and without reproach, and it will be given to him."
The four essential ingredients of experience that encourage growth and maturity in children:
1. Kids should have age-appropriate problems to solve.
2. They should be allowed to try to solve these problems on their own.
3. They should be allowed to learn from the consequences of their problem-solving efforts, successful or not.
4. They should be given just the amount of support they need to solve the problem for themselves. In other words, it is healthy to struggle a little. If we take the problem from them, they learn very little.
The Bible tells us that trials develop perseverance, wisdom and dependence on God. When we recognize the eternal value of struggles, it helps us to walk alongside our kids with empathy and let them experience the consequences of their choices. Children who have opportunities to solve problems are more likely to develop responsibility, respect, resourcefulness and an understanding of the spiritual power available to them.
Chris and Michelle also discuss the values of chores around the house. According to the Groffs, chores teach teamwork, time management, resource management, and all kinds of other skills kids will need when they leave home. Kids also get a sense of accomplishment and value as they learn and use new skills. Is it possible that we are shirking our responsibility as parents when we don't give our kids these opportunities to contribute?
Here are some Proverbs cited in the workbook that relate to chores:
Proverbs 13:4 "The sluggard craves and gets nothing, but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied."
Proverbs 18:9 "One who is slack in his work is brother to one who destroys."
Proverbs 21:25 "The sluggard's craving will be the death of him, because his hands refuse to work. All day long he craves for more, but the righteous give without sparing."
The second E in our lesson stands for example. The way you live your life is influencing your kids. They are watching everything you do. As a result, you must model the qualities you want to see in your children. I like this quote from C.H. Spurgeon that was included in the workbook: "If we walk before the Lord with integrity, we shall do more to bless our descendants than if we bequeathed them large estates." Teaching the Word is important, but living the Word is more important.
James 1:22 says, "Do not merely listen to the Word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says." Groff states, "You are your kids' first curriculum on the characteristics of a 'father'. Consequently, your example will influence how they perceive their heavenly father." WOW. What a responsibility! Here are some ways to be a positive model for your kids:
1. Model humility
2. Facing and solving problems
3. Giving and receiving empathy
4. Learning from consequences
The third E stands for exploration. In the Bible, God often asks questions to encourage His people to explore their hearts. Jesus wanted people to respond to God in ways that go beyond mere obedience. Isn't this what we want for our children?
Some Biblical examples of exploration are:
After Adam and Eve had eaten the fruit, God asks Adam, "Where are you?" (Gen. 3:9) and "Who told you that you were naked?" Have you eaten from the tree of which I commanded you not to eat?" (Gen. 3:11). Clearly, God knew the answers to these questions. He was not asking for His sake, but rather to cause Adam and Eve to explore themselves and their motivations.
In 1 Kings 1:5-6, "Now Adonijah the son of Haggith exalted himself, saying, "I will be king." So he prepared himself chariots and horsemen with fifty men to run before him. His father had never crossed him at any time by asking, "Why have you done so?" David is criticized for not asking his fourth son, Adonijah, thought provoking questions about his behavior.
This week, give your kids more age-appropriate choices/experiences and allow them to experience the consequences of their choices. If the chance arises, try exploration with empathy.
NEXT WEEK: Parental Authority
Welcome to Jason and Sumar Ballard who visited with us today. The Ballards have three children, Amy (12), Tristan (9), and Halle (7).
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Monday, June 6, 2011
Lesson One--Parenting by Design June 5, 2011
This week, we began a new Sunday School study--an 8 week DVD Study known as Parenting by Design. In 2003, Chris and Michelle Groff were forced to check their son into a treatment program in Colorado. In the fall of that year, they attended a family weekend event presented by the program's therapists under the direction of Lee Long. At this family weekend, the therapists offered a parenting class which became the basis for the current Parenting by Design program.
Lesson One deals with parenting styles and methods and asks the question, "Why do we parent the way we do?" According to the Groffs, the most influential source of parenting style usually is the example of YOUR parents. It is understandable that we would absorb most of our parenting skills from the parents to whom we were exposed for the first 18 years or so of our lives. Of course, this does not always mean that one will adopt the style of his/her parents. Sometimes, we adopt an opposing methodology to compensate for what we perceive as mistakes made by our own parents.
In Lesson One, we identified a number of other factors that often influence our parenting styles. These factors may include your agreement or disagreement with the following statements: "1. I like to feel in control of my kids and their lives. 2. I want to be appreciated by my kids. 3. I don't want my child to suffer as I did. 4. I love my child, and I do everything I can for him or her."
Lesson One also included a discussion about our goals as parents. The "Success Trap" was identified as a potential downfall for parents and children. Chris stated, "When we ask parents to describe what a successful parenting experience might look like, they often respond that their children would exhibit traits like faith, love of God, love of others, happiness, respect, etc. But when we drill down to specifics, we begin to see the world's influence. It is convicting to take a little time and reflect on our definition of "success" and to see how the world's view can surreptitiously influence our thinking."
Four questions that parents were encourged to ask were:
"What is a successful job?, What about status in that job? How about marriage and family? and Is recogniton important?" Fame is awarded for all the wrong reasons. As with power, the world craves fame for the glory it brings to the individual rather than seeking to bring glory to God. Our culture defines success based on money, power, beauty, and fame.
We should be seeking God's definition of success for our children. God places no value on money, fame, power, or beauty. Jesus describes the Godly picture of success in Matthew 20:26-28: "...whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." Phillipians 2:3-5 reinforces this concept. Dr. Tim Kimmel defines true greatness as: "A passionate love for God that demonstrates itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others."
We need to trust that God knows best. Psalm 139:13 assures us that God has known us for a long time and He not only created our children, He purposefully designed us to be the parents of our children. We must trust God to equip us for the task. (Hebrews 13:20,21)
Groff says, "Don't be surprised when, during the course of this class, you begin to see your relationship with your Heavenly Father differently." James Dobson says, "Ideal parenting is modeled after the relationship between God and man. And, the context of parenting enables us to see God's parental love in a unique way." God's unconditional love is amazing. "It is the model we should strive to emulate in our relationships. God uses the parenting journey as a unique tool to help us grow spiritually. It has a way of exposing areas where we are too invested in worldly validation, where we are indulging our flesh in the way we communicate, and where we are failing to trust God. Few things are harder to trust to Him than our children. Ask God to reveal your blind spots and where they are affecting our parenting decisions. This can be a golden opportunity to chart a new course."
Finally, in Lesson One, we discussed Parenting Styles: Bonding, Boundaries, and Balance. Bonding is the capacity to get close to another person. Boundaries are necessary for a child to be a distinct person.
Groff states, "To the extent we can learn to be balanced between these two needs, we are likely to have healthy relationships." Our lesson described The Trinity as a perfect model of balance between bonding and boundaries. The Groffs have described parents with three different labels which describe their trends toward the extremes of parenting. The first label is "The Rescuer." This parent fears failure and they do everything in their power to help their kids avoid mistakes. They hover, protect, and rescue their children from their predicaments. They sacrifice necessary boundaries for bonding. The children of rescuers often demonstrate entitlement because they learn to expect parents to solve problems for them.
Proverbs 19:19 warns against this type of parenting:
"A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again."
The Dictator also cannot stand to see their child fail. Their concern is less about preventing pain, but more about promoting success. They lecture, order, and direct their kids to a path they are certain will bring appropriate results. Dictators sacrifice the bonding a child craves for boundaries. They focus on results and neglect nurturing. They undermine their child's individuality by demanding that things be done the parent's way. The children of dictators often become rebellious or withdrawn. Because these kids are given little control over their lives, they often try to gain it back in inappropriate ways.
Proverbs 12:18 addresses this kind of parenting:
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
The Consultant parent embraces bonding and boundaries. They communicate their love while embracing the child's individuality and value. These parents send a message that the quality of the child's life depends greatly on the choices he/she makes. The consultant parent is described in the following verses:
Proverbs 17:27, Ephesians 6:4, and Colossians 3:21.
We should all be striving for balance. Verses that support Bonding include:
James 1:19, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:23. The importance of Boundaries is described in Proverbs 6:23, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 29:21, and Ephesians 4:15.
As Mr. Groff said in the lesson, "There has only been one perfect parent...and, you're not Him." Even the children of the perfect parent have rebelled. Therefore, we cannot assume that our own children will not be rebellious at times. Yet, God demonstrated unconditional love to His children and we should strive to emulate that unconditional love to our own children. We should seek that Godly balance of bonding and boundaries.
Which parenting style best describes you?
Are there some areas where you need to redefine "success" in parenting? If so, how can you model that for your children?
Practice empathy by spending some time engaged in an activity your child enjoys. Ask them what it is about that activity they love so much.
Next Week: "The Three E's of Parenting: Experience, Example, Exploration"
Have a great week.
Jimmy
Lesson One deals with parenting styles and methods and asks the question, "Why do we parent the way we do?" According to the Groffs, the most influential source of parenting style usually is the example of YOUR parents. It is understandable that we would absorb most of our parenting skills from the parents to whom we were exposed for the first 18 years or so of our lives. Of course, this does not always mean that one will adopt the style of his/her parents. Sometimes, we adopt an opposing methodology to compensate for what we perceive as mistakes made by our own parents.
In Lesson One, we identified a number of other factors that often influence our parenting styles. These factors may include your agreement or disagreement with the following statements: "1. I like to feel in control of my kids and their lives. 2. I want to be appreciated by my kids. 3. I don't want my child to suffer as I did. 4. I love my child, and I do everything I can for him or her."
Lesson One also included a discussion about our goals as parents. The "Success Trap" was identified as a potential downfall for parents and children. Chris stated, "When we ask parents to describe what a successful parenting experience might look like, they often respond that their children would exhibit traits like faith, love of God, love of others, happiness, respect, etc. But when we drill down to specifics, we begin to see the world's influence. It is convicting to take a little time and reflect on our definition of "success" and to see how the world's view can surreptitiously influence our thinking."
Four questions that parents were encourged to ask were:
"What is a successful job?, What about status in that job? How about marriage and family? and Is recogniton important?" Fame is awarded for all the wrong reasons. As with power, the world craves fame for the glory it brings to the individual rather than seeking to bring glory to God. Our culture defines success based on money, power, beauty, and fame.
We should be seeking God's definition of success for our children. God places no value on money, fame, power, or beauty. Jesus describes the Godly picture of success in Matthew 20:26-28: "...whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be your slave--just as the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many." Phillipians 2:3-5 reinforces this concept. Dr. Tim Kimmel defines true greatness as: "A passionate love for God that demonstrates itself in an unquenchable love and concern for others."
We need to trust that God knows best. Psalm 139:13 assures us that God has known us for a long time and He not only created our children, He purposefully designed us to be the parents of our children. We must trust God to equip us for the task. (Hebrews 13:20,21)
Groff says, "Don't be surprised when, during the course of this class, you begin to see your relationship with your Heavenly Father differently." James Dobson says, "Ideal parenting is modeled after the relationship between God and man. And, the context of parenting enables us to see God's parental love in a unique way." God's unconditional love is amazing. "It is the model we should strive to emulate in our relationships. God uses the parenting journey as a unique tool to help us grow spiritually. It has a way of exposing areas where we are too invested in worldly validation, where we are indulging our flesh in the way we communicate, and where we are failing to trust God. Few things are harder to trust to Him than our children. Ask God to reveal your blind spots and where they are affecting our parenting decisions. This can be a golden opportunity to chart a new course."
Finally, in Lesson One, we discussed Parenting Styles: Bonding, Boundaries, and Balance. Bonding is the capacity to get close to another person. Boundaries are necessary for a child to be a distinct person.
Groff states, "To the extent we can learn to be balanced between these two needs, we are likely to have healthy relationships." Our lesson described The Trinity as a perfect model of balance between bonding and boundaries. The Groffs have described parents with three different labels which describe their trends toward the extremes of parenting. The first label is "The Rescuer." This parent fears failure and they do everything in their power to help their kids avoid mistakes. They hover, protect, and rescue their children from their predicaments. They sacrifice necessary boundaries for bonding. The children of rescuers often demonstrate entitlement because they learn to expect parents to solve problems for them.
Proverbs 19:19 warns against this type of parenting:
"A hot-tempered man must pay the penalty; if you rescue him, you will have to do it again."
The Dictator also cannot stand to see their child fail. Their concern is less about preventing pain, but more about promoting success. They lecture, order, and direct their kids to a path they are certain will bring appropriate results. Dictators sacrifice the bonding a child craves for boundaries. They focus on results and neglect nurturing. They undermine their child's individuality by demanding that things be done the parent's way. The children of dictators often become rebellious or withdrawn. Because these kids are given little control over their lives, they often try to gain it back in inappropriate ways.
Proverbs 12:18 addresses this kind of parenting:
"Reckless words pierce like a sword, but the tongue of the wise brings healing."
The Consultant parent embraces bonding and boundaries. They communicate their love while embracing the child's individuality and value. These parents send a message that the quality of the child's life depends greatly on the choices he/she makes. The consultant parent is described in the following verses:
Proverbs 17:27, Ephesians 6:4, and Colossians 3:21.
We should all be striving for balance. Verses that support Bonding include:
James 1:19, Proverbs 15:1, Proverbs 16:23. The importance of Boundaries is described in Proverbs 6:23, Proverbs 19:18, Proverbs 29:21, and Ephesians 4:15.
As Mr. Groff said in the lesson, "There has only been one perfect parent...and, you're not Him." Even the children of the perfect parent have rebelled. Therefore, we cannot assume that our own children will not be rebellious at times. Yet, God demonstrated unconditional love to His children and we should strive to emulate that unconditional love to our own children. We should seek that Godly balance of bonding and boundaries.
Which parenting style best describes you?
Are there some areas where you need to redefine "success" in parenting? If so, how can you model that for your children?
Practice empathy by spending some time engaged in an activity your child enjoys. Ask them what it is about that activity they love so much.
Next Week: "The Three E's of Parenting: Experience, Example, Exploration"
Have a great week.
Jimmy
Friday, May 27, 2011
May 29--Once and For All
REMINDER: SUNDAY SCHOOL CLASS SWIMMING PARTY AT EMERALD FOREST POOL, NEXT SUNDAY, JUNE 5 AT 12:30 P.M. OR AS SOON AS YOU CAN GET THERE AFTER CHURCH. PLEASE BRING A LUNCH AND DESSERT WITH A LITTLE EXTRA TO SHARE AND COME HAVE A GREAT TIME OF FELLOWSHIP AND EATING AND SWIMMING. WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THERE.
This week's lesson is the final lesson in the Andy Stanley series named "Guardrails." In the previous five weeks, we have discussed guardrails in all different areas of life: financial, marriage, sex, friends, and parenting. In today's lesson, Andy speaks to those of us who may disagree with the concept of setting guardrails in our lives. According to Andy, "Refusing to have guardrails doesn't solve anything. It just moves the guardrail closer to disaster." Andy argues that our refusal to set our own guardrail at a distance that is sufficently back from the abyss of disaster doesn't prevent us from being warned by a guardrail that is perhaps set by others. However, such a guardrail is usually dangerously close to disaster. In other words, if a married person chooses to go out and spend time with a friend of the opposite sex other than his/her spouse, it is not necessarily a sin. However, such behavior certainly moves one much closer to sexual sin and increases the likelihood that one would fall into maritial disaster.
Andy points out in today's lesson that no appetite is ever fully satisfied. When one feeds an appetite, it does nothing but grow. Therefore, thinking that I can do something just this one time and get away with it is faulty logic. Our appetite for that one thing just grows after we have allowed it to be saited one time. Andy suggests, "Draw a different line of tension far enough back that it is manageable and a step over the line is not likely to create disaster in one's life."
Wherever you say so, this is where your temptation begins. If you draw the line of temptation far enough away from disaster, you are likely to avoid the consequences of such a disaster.
Andy used the scripture from Daniel 1:5 to illustrate his point in today's lesson. Daniel was in a position where he could easily have compromised his principles and eaten the king's food. Yet, he recognized that compromise in our life does not erase the tension, it only weakens our resolve. Daniel resolved not to eat the king's food. He made up his mind BEFORE he knew the end of his story. Daniel was able to predict the end of his story if he participated in the king's food regiment and the cultural training to which he was being subjected. However, he resolved not to participate. Then, the game changer described in Daniel 1:9 took place, "Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials." The game changer: "Now, God..." When God acts, it changes the whole game. God will use your guardrail to not only protect you, but to guide and direct you as well. Make up your mind before you know the end of the story. "The integrity of the upright guides them..." (Proverbs 11:3).
Thanks to Natalie Halbert for her contribution to our discussion this morning in which Natalie shared the name of a book that her family purchased to help teach their kids how to be prepared for various situations that they might face in life. The name of the book is "STICKY SITUATIONS: 365 DEVOTIONS FOR KIDS AND FAMILIES."
I looked up the book on Amazon.com. The author is Betsy Schmitt. It sells on Amazon for $10.19. Please be aware that not all of the reviews for this book were positive. Some reviewers stated that the choices given in the multiple choice response format often included two ridiculous choices and the one obvious right answer. Others said that the wrong choices could provide kids with ideas that would never have had if they had not been exposed to the book. Another person said that the Bible verses that were correlated to the correct response were either irrelevant or were such a stretch to fit the scenario that they became irrelevant. One review said the idea of the book was great, but suggested that the author was put in a position of having to generate 365 relevant examples and situations and had been unable to do so. Given the cost of the book and the pages I was able to review, I would think it would be useful as a weekly or occasional devotion guide making it possible for one to pick and choose the very best items for review with your kids. It does seem like a great way to prepare your kids for situations that may encounter.
NEXT WEEK: WE WILL BEGIN AN EIGHT WEEK SESSION ON PARENTING BY DESIGN.
This week's lesson is the final lesson in the Andy Stanley series named "Guardrails." In the previous five weeks, we have discussed guardrails in all different areas of life: financial, marriage, sex, friends, and parenting. In today's lesson, Andy speaks to those of us who may disagree with the concept of setting guardrails in our lives. According to Andy, "Refusing to have guardrails doesn't solve anything. It just moves the guardrail closer to disaster." Andy argues that our refusal to set our own guardrail at a distance that is sufficently back from the abyss of disaster doesn't prevent us from being warned by a guardrail that is perhaps set by others. However, such a guardrail is usually dangerously close to disaster. In other words, if a married person chooses to go out and spend time with a friend of the opposite sex other than his/her spouse, it is not necessarily a sin. However, such behavior certainly moves one much closer to sexual sin and increases the likelihood that one would fall into maritial disaster.
Andy points out in today's lesson that no appetite is ever fully satisfied. When one feeds an appetite, it does nothing but grow. Therefore, thinking that I can do something just this one time and get away with it is faulty logic. Our appetite for that one thing just grows after we have allowed it to be saited one time. Andy suggests, "Draw a different line of tension far enough back that it is manageable and a step over the line is not likely to create disaster in one's life."
Wherever you say so, this is where your temptation begins. If you draw the line of temptation far enough away from disaster, you are likely to avoid the consequences of such a disaster.
Andy used the scripture from Daniel 1:5 to illustrate his point in today's lesson. Daniel was in a position where he could easily have compromised his principles and eaten the king's food. Yet, he recognized that compromise in our life does not erase the tension, it only weakens our resolve. Daniel resolved not to eat the king's food. He made up his mind BEFORE he knew the end of his story. Daniel was able to predict the end of his story if he participated in the king's food regiment and the cultural training to which he was being subjected. However, he resolved not to participate. Then, the game changer described in Daniel 1:9 took place, "Now God granted Daniel favor and compassion in the sight of the commander of the officials." The game changer: "Now, God..." When God acts, it changes the whole game. God will use your guardrail to not only protect you, but to guide and direct you as well. Make up your mind before you know the end of the story. "The integrity of the upright guides them..." (Proverbs 11:3).
Thanks to Natalie Halbert for her contribution to our discussion this morning in which Natalie shared the name of a book that her family purchased to help teach their kids how to be prepared for various situations that they might face in life. The name of the book is "STICKY SITUATIONS: 365 DEVOTIONS FOR KIDS AND FAMILIES."
I looked up the book on Amazon.com. The author is Betsy Schmitt. It sells on Amazon for $10.19. Please be aware that not all of the reviews for this book were positive. Some reviewers stated that the choices given in the multiple choice response format often included two ridiculous choices and the one obvious right answer. Others said that the wrong choices could provide kids with ideas that would never have had if they had not been exposed to the book. Another person said that the Bible verses that were correlated to the correct response were either irrelevant or were such a stretch to fit the scenario that they became irrelevant. One review said the idea of the book was great, but suggested that the author was put in a position of having to generate 365 relevant examples and situations and had been unable to do so. Given the cost of the book and the pages I was able to review, I would think it would be useful as a weekly or occasional devotion guide making it possible for one to pick and choose the very best items for review with your kids. It does seem like a great way to prepare your kids for situations that may encounter.
NEXT WEEK: WE WILL BEGIN AN EIGHT WEEK SESSION ON PARENTING BY DESIGN.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
The Consumption Assumption--May 22, 2011
As I announced last Sunday, Cindy and I hope to be in San Antonio this Sunday where we look forward to watching our youngest daughter graduate from the University of Texas Health Science Center with a Masters Degree in Occupational Therapy science. Beth Miles has graciously agreed to facilitate the class discussion for this week.
The lesson from Andy Stanley is another good one. It is about money and spending habits. Andy mentions that many, if not most of the serious issues brought to his office for counseling deal with one of two topics: sex or money. According to Andy, sex or money drive many of the conflicts, failures, and regrets that we experience in life. Andy says that the reason God says so much about money in His Word is that our attitude and behavior toward money has everything to do with our devotion to Him. Andy refers to Matthew 6:24. The scripture simply spells out the fact, we cannot serve both God and money. Money, in our society, is seen as the pursuit of wealth or the pursuit of security. In either case, the pursuit of wealth or the pursuit of security reflect a lack of confidence and devotion to the God of the Universe to supply all our needs and to keep us safe.
Andy says that we need guardrails on BOTH sides of the road when it comes to money. One one side of the road is the ditch that contains the danger of consumerism--in which we spend every dime that comes our way. On the other side of the road is the ditch that contains the danger of hoarding--in which we feel compelled to save everything that we possibly can because we cannot trust God to take care of our future needs. According to Andy, both ditches are very self-centered and result in living as if there is no God. Both ditches or both lifestyles are consummed by greed. Greed is difficult to see in the mirror, but many of us suffer from this condition--either to support our uncontrolled spending or our incessant need to save for the future.
Andy mentions that for most Americans, God is like the back-up finance plan. God wants to be the master and ruler of your life. The chief competitor with God being master and ruler is "your stuff."
Andy Stanley suggests a spending plan that looks like this:
1. GIVE--the first 10% of your income should be given to the Lord (this could be more than 10%, but at least 10% should be given)
2. SAVE--the next 10% of your revenue should be saved
3. LIVE--live on 80% of your available revenue
A plan such as the one outlined above provides adequate guardrails to be sure that you are using your money in a Godly manner.
Matthew 6:32 spells out the fact that God knows our needs. Do you really belive that God knows and cares about our needs? Don't let money steal your peace or your joy.
REMINDER: Sunday School swimming party and lunch at Emerald Forest Swimming Pool on June 5 after church. Come on down for a great time with the class and with the kids.
The lesson from Andy Stanley is another good one. It is about money and spending habits. Andy mentions that many, if not most of the serious issues brought to his office for counseling deal with one of two topics: sex or money. According to Andy, sex or money drive many of the conflicts, failures, and regrets that we experience in life. Andy says that the reason God says so much about money in His Word is that our attitude and behavior toward money has everything to do with our devotion to Him. Andy refers to Matthew 6:24. The scripture simply spells out the fact, we cannot serve both God and money. Money, in our society, is seen as the pursuit of wealth or the pursuit of security. In either case, the pursuit of wealth or the pursuit of security reflect a lack of confidence and devotion to the God of the Universe to supply all our needs and to keep us safe.
Andy says that we need guardrails on BOTH sides of the road when it comes to money. One one side of the road is the ditch that contains the danger of consumerism--in which we spend every dime that comes our way. On the other side of the road is the ditch that contains the danger of hoarding--in which we feel compelled to save everything that we possibly can because we cannot trust God to take care of our future needs. According to Andy, both ditches are very self-centered and result in living as if there is no God. Both ditches or both lifestyles are consummed by greed. Greed is difficult to see in the mirror, but many of us suffer from this condition--either to support our uncontrolled spending or our incessant need to save for the future.
Andy mentions that for most Americans, God is like the back-up finance plan. God wants to be the master and ruler of your life. The chief competitor with God being master and ruler is "your stuff."
Andy Stanley suggests a spending plan that looks like this:
1. GIVE--the first 10% of your income should be given to the Lord (this could be more than 10%, but at least 10% should be given)
2. SAVE--the next 10% of your revenue should be saved
3. LIVE--live on 80% of your available revenue
A plan such as the one outlined above provides adequate guardrails to be sure that you are using your money in a Godly manner.
Matthew 6:32 spells out the fact that God knows our needs. Do you really belive that God knows and cares about our needs? Don't let money steal your peace or your joy.
REMINDER: Sunday School swimming party and lunch at Emerald Forest Swimming Pool on June 5 after church. Come on down for a great time with the class and with the kids.
Saturday, May 14, 2011
"Me and the Mrs"--May 15, 2011
Our lesson with Andy Stanley today included comments from his wife Sandra as they discussed several areas of marriage and family life and the guardrails they have built in their own relationship and family. Andy mentioned that the guardrail principle is found in Proverbs 27:12: "The prudent see danger and take refuge, but the simple keep going and suffer for it." Andy argues that the prudent Christian, the wise man will be able to discern threats and danger to his life and lifestyle and will take refuge or will build guardrails to prevent him from reaching the abyss or the point of disaster. Andy says that we need guardrails in every area where we have an appetite or desires. This would include the financial arena--our spending, saving, and giving habits, sexual integrity--our visual, physical, and emotional desires, family time and commitment to family, and any other area where we may experience temptation.
I felt like many of you would relate to this week's lesson because it makes reference to the season of life in which many of you find yourselves. You are trying to raise young children and attempting to spend quality time and meet their needs. At the same time, you are trying to build successful careers and you are trying to earn comfortable livings for your families. These goals often create contradictory demands on your time and energy.
One of the most important things I heard in the lesson today was the comment which Andy quoted from a seminar that he and Sandra once attended. "Kids are a welcome addition to the family. However, we should be striving for a marriage-centered family, NOT a child-centered family." In my opinion, this is one of the biggest mistakes made by young Christian families. Given our love for our kids and our desire to see them excel in all endeavors, we often tend to make them the center of the universe, and if not the universe, at least the center of our family. This creates pressure on the marriage and the family and does not do justice to the child. As Andy Stanley said in today's lesson, the greatest gift one can give to their children is a great marriage. As such, you and your spouse need to take time to nurture your marriage. This includes periodic date nights, trips together in which the kids are not involved, frequent breaks in which the parents have the opportunity to talk, re-group, and enjoy a short respite from the challenges of responding to young children all day and all night long.
Having said that, it is important to understand that our family needs our time also. Therefore, it is critically important that BOTH parents develop strategies that allow them to spend quality time with young children. Sandra quoted a great scripture from Nehemiah in describing how she had to prioritize and was forced to turn down some opportunities to ensure sufficient family time together. The scripture was Nehemiah 6:3: "I am doing a great thing and I cannot come down." Nehemiah was focused on a great work and he refused to be distracted from this great work. Likewise, you are doing a great work with your children. Each of us should commit ourselves to focusing on this great work and refuse to be distracted by outside distractions.
Join us again next week when Andy discusses our financial habits.
REMINDER: MARK THE DATE!!! OUR AFTER CHURCH SWIMMING PARTY IS SCHEDULED AT THE EMERALD FOREST POOL ON JUNE 5, 2011. EVERYONE IS ASKED TO BRING A LUNCH AND DESSERT. WE HAVE SET UP TABLES IN THE PAST AND SHARED DISHES AND ENJOYED LUNCH AND FELLOWSHIP INSIDE THE CLUBHOUSE. THE POOL WILL BE OPEN FROM 12:45 P.M.--2:45 P.M. WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THERE.
I felt like many of you would relate to this week's lesson because it makes reference to the season of life in which many of you find yourselves. You are trying to raise young children and attempting to spend quality time and meet their needs. At the same time, you are trying to build successful careers and you are trying to earn comfortable livings for your families. These goals often create contradictory demands on your time and energy.
One of the most important things I heard in the lesson today was the comment which Andy quoted from a seminar that he and Sandra once attended. "Kids are a welcome addition to the family. However, we should be striving for a marriage-centered family, NOT a child-centered family." In my opinion, this is one of the biggest mistakes made by young Christian families. Given our love for our kids and our desire to see them excel in all endeavors, we often tend to make them the center of the universe, and if not the universe, at least the center of our family. This creates pressure on the marriage and the family and does not do justice to the child. As Andy Stanley said in today's lesson, the greatest gift one can give to their children is a great marriage. As such, you and your spouse need to take time to nurture your marriage. This includes periodic date nights, trips together in which the kids are not involved, frequent breaks in which the parents have the opportunity to talk, re-group, and enjoy a short respite from the challenges of responding to young children all day and all night long.
Having said that, it is important to understand that our family needs our time also. Therefore, it is critically important that BOTH parents develop strategies that allow them to spend quality time with young children. Sandra quoted a great scripture from Nehemiah in describing how she had to prioritize and was forced to turn down some opportunities to ensure sufficient family time together. The scripture was Nehemiah 6:3: "I am doing a great thing and I cannot come down." Nehemiah was focused on a great work and he refused to be distracted from this great work. Likewise, you are doing a great work with your children. Each of us should commit ourselves to focusing on this great work and refuse to be distracted by outside distractions.
Join us again next week when Andy discusses our financial habits.
REMINDER: MARK THE DATE!!! OUR AFTER CHURCH SWIMMING PARTY IS SCHEDULED AT THE EMERALD FOREST POOL ON JUNE 5, 2011. EVERYONE IS ASKED TO BRING A LUNCH AND DESSERT. WE HAVE SET UP TABLES IN THE PAST AND SHARED DISHES AND ENJOYED LUNCH AND FELLOWSHIP INSIDE THE CLUBHOUSE. THE POOL WILL BE OPEN FROM 12:45 P.M.--2:45 P.M. WE LOOK FORWARD TO SEEING YOU AND YOUR FAMILY THERE.
Monday, May 9, 2011
Guardrails: "Flee, Baby, Flee!"
It is official. Our after church swimming party has been changed to June 5, 2011. Please mark your calendars and plan to join us at the Emerald Forest Swimming Pool after church on Sunday, June 5. Everyone is asked to bring a lunch and dessert to the clubhouse. We will eat lunch and the pool will open at 12:45 p.m.--2:45 p.m. The pool folks have instructed us to keep food away from the pool area, so we will need to do our eating and drinking inside the clubhouse. Bring the kids for a great time of fellowship.
This week's lesson was about sexual temptation. Andy Stanley referred to 1 Corinthians 6:18 in which Paul warns us: "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body." Andy Stanley explained that this one sin is responsible for many of the problems in our culture and society. It is the reason for broken families and young children who live in single parent homes rather than in homes with a mom and dad, it is one of the reasons for our high rate of poverty, it contributes to our problems in education, it is one of the drivers of our prison population increase, and it is a contributor in almost every malady that we experience as a culture and society.
Andy suggests several guardrails to help keep us from stepping into the abyss of sexual sin. He suggests that married people never travel with members of the opposite sex, that married people never eat a meal with members of the opposite sex, and that employers not hire members of the opposite sex because they are cute and need a job. He also encourages married people to never counsel members of the opposite sex. As we discussed the guardrails that Andy proposed, some of our class felt that some of these guardrails were a bit too conservative. Because some of us work in fields where there are large percentages of members of the opposite sex, some of these guardrails could present real limitations in our work.
Andy argues that the consequences of sexual sin are so great that it is an area of life that must be carefully guarded and protected. Flee, baby, flee! He argued that if we bump up against one of the guardrails he proposed, there would be little or no consequence. However, if we go past the guardrail and should slip into the abyss of sexual sin, the consequences are profound not only for us personally, but for our families and loved ones as well.
Whether you agree with the guardrails that Andy proposed or whether you prefer to set your own guardrails in this area of life, we probably can all agree that we do need guardrails and we do need to be sure that we are protecting our sexual integrity. Guardrails are designed to stop us before we get into an area where we will be injured or suffer negative consequences. If you don't buy Andy's guardrails this week, I hope you will consider your own guardrails in this area of life. Divorces, broken homes, single parent families, unsupervised children, and children who suffer the loss of one parent and the regular presence of one side of the family are all part of the price that adults impose on their family when they make bad decisions in this arena of life.
Come join us next week as Andy Stanley's wife, Sandra joins him on stage to further discuss and describe guardrails. In the meantime, have a great week and try to stay off the guardrails.
This week's lesson was about sexual temptation. Andy Stanley referred to 1 Corinthians 6:18 in which Paul warns us: "Flee immorality. Every other sin that a man commits is outside the body, but the immoral man sins against his own body." Andy Stanley explained that this one sin is responsible for many of the problems in our culture and society. It is the reason for broken families and young children who live in single parent homes rather than in homes with a mom and dad, it is one of the reasons for our high rate of poverty, it contributes to our problems in education, it is one of the drivers of our prison population increase, and it is a contributor in almost every malady that we experience as a culture and society.
Andy suggests several guardrails to help keep us from stepping into the abyss of sexual sin. He suggests that married people never travel with members of the opposite sex, that married people never eat a meal with members of the opposite sex, and that employers not hire members of the opposite sex because they are cute and need a job. He also encourages married people to never counsel members of the opposite sex. As we discussed the guardrails that Andy proposed, some of our class felt that some of these guardrails were a bit too conservative. Because some of us work in fields where there are large percentages of members of the opposite sex, some of these guardrails could present real limitations in our work.
Andy argues that the consequences of sexual sin are so great that it is an area of life that must be carefully guarded and protected. Flee, baby, flee! He argued that if we bump up against one of the guardrails he proposed, there would be little or no consequence. However, if we go past the guardrail and should slip into the abyss of sexual sin, the consequences are profound not only for us personally, but for our families and loved ones as well.
Whether you agree with the guardrails that Andy proposed or whether you prefer to set your own guardrails in this area of life, we probably can all agree that we do need guardrails and we do need to be sure that we are protecting our sexual integrity. Guardrails are designed to stop us before we get into an area where we will be injured or suffer negative consequences. If you don't buy Andy's guardrails this week, I hope you will consider your own guardrails in this area of life. Divorces, broken homes, single parent families, unsupervised children, and children who suffer the loss of one parent and the regular presence of one side of the family are all part of the price that adults impose on their family when they make bad decisions in this arena of life.
Come join us next week as Andy Stanley's wife, Sandra joins him on stage to further discuss and describe guardrails. In the meantime, have a great week and try to stay off the guardrails.
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Guardrails: Why Can't We Be Friends?
Save Another Date
Earlier this week, I sent an e-mail message to Sunday School Members asking you to save the date, May 15, for an after-church swimming party at Emerald Forest Pool. Since that time, we have learned that several of our families have conflicts on that date. So, in order to try to find a time that will accommodate most of our schedules, we are going to see if the swimming pool folks will allow us to change the date to Sunday, June 5. If so, we will reschedule the Sunday School Social for June 5, 2011. We will let you know as soon as we find out if the pool folks will allow us to change dates. We have already paid money and we will ask them to allow us to transfer to another date without additional cost.
Today's lesson was about the influence that "friends" can have on our lives. Andy made the point that we should have guardrails in our lives that warn us about the negative or inappropriate influences of those whom we consider to be friends. Andy's scripture this week was Proverbs 13:20: "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Here are the five guardrails that Andy derived from this scripture:
Your conscience should light up when...
1. It dawns on you that your core group isn't moving in the direction you want your life to be moving. Indeed, it should concern you to the point that you do something about it before it becomes a problem...not wait until it becomes a problem.
2. You catch yourself pretending to be someone other than who you really are.
When your spouse says, "You act differently when you are around them," you should be very concerned.
3. You feel pressure to compromise. When what has never been a temptation before suddenly becomes a live option, it should scare you to death--not when you do the behavior, but when you feel the temptation.
4. You hear hourself saying, "I'll go, but I won't participate."
5. You hope the people you care about most don't find out where you've been or who you've been with.
Andy instructed us to never confuse compassion with wisdom. Compassion will never require you to make an unwise decision about yourself. When you use compassion or love as an excuse, you are lying to yourself and it is misguided compassion. There is no conflict between compassion and wisdom.
According to Andy Stanley, there is a lot of misguided compassion in our culture. The best thing you can do for a person you love is to stay on the safe side of the guardrail so you are healthy enough to help them when they crash. You become the "go to" person because you are healthy. Drawing back from that person may be the best act of friendship you ever express for that friend.
Let's face up to what we know is God's will for our life.
Prayer Request: Please pray for my Mom and Dad this week. Dad is dealing with kidney dialysis three times per week and his heart is in defibrilation with the top two chambers of his heart not functioning. He is scheduled to have a cardiac conversion this week. (Jimmy)
John Brick will be starting a trial this week that will mean long hours and stress for John and his family. Please pray for him and them this week also.
Have a great week.
Jimmy
Earlier this week, I sent an e-mail message to Sunday School Members asking you to save the date, May 15, for an after-church swimming party at Emerald Forest Pool. Since that time, we have learned that several of our families have conflicts on that date. So, in order to try to find a time that will accommodate most of our schedules, we are going to see if the swimming pool folks will allow us to change the date to Sunday, June 5. If so, we will reschedule the Sunday School Social for June 5, 2011. We will let you know as soon as we find out if the pool folks will allow us to change dates. We have already paid money and we will ask them to allow us to transfer to another date without additional cost.
Today's lesson was about the influence that "friends" can have on our lives. Andy made the point that we should have guardrails in our lives that warn us about the negative or inappropriate influences of those whom we consider to be friends. Andy's scripture this week was Proverbs 13:20: "He who walks with the wise grows wise, but a companion of fools suffers harm." Here are the five guardrails that Andy derived from this scripture:
Your conscience should light up when...
1. It dawns on you that your core group isn't moving in the direction you want your life to be moving. Indeed, it should concern you to the point that you do something about it before it becomes a problem...not wait until it becomes a problem.
2. You catch yourself pretending to be someone other than who you really are.
When your spouse says, "You act differently when you are around them," you should be very concerned.
3. You feel pressure to compromise. When what has never been a temptation before suddenly becomes a live option, it should scare you to death--not when you do the behavior, but when you feel the temptation.
4. You hear hourself saying, "I'll go, but I won't participate."
5. You hope the people you care about most don't find out where you've been or who you've been with.
Andy instructed us to never confuse compassion with wisdom. Compassion will never require you to make an unwise decision about yourself. When you use compassion or love as an excuse, you are lying to yourself and it is misguided compassion. There is no conflict between compassion and wisdom.
According to Andy Stanley, there is a lot of misguided compassion in our culture. The best thing you can do for a person you love is to stay on the safe side of the guardrail so you are healthy enough to help them when they crash. You become the "go to" person because you are healthy. Drawing back from that person may be the best act of friendship you ever express for that friend.
Let's face up to what we know is God's will for our life.
Prayer Request: Please pray for my Mom and Dad this week. Dad is dealing with kidney dialysis three times per week and his heart is in defibrilation with the top two chambers of his heart not functioning. He is scheduled to have a cardiac conversion this week. (Jimmy)
John Brick will be starting a trial this week that will mean long hours and stress for John and his family. Please pray for him and them this week also.
Have a great week.
Jimmy
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